Southern Gospel Times Feature Article
What Fills The Hole
Surviving after Loss:
When we experience the loss of a loved one, it creates a hole that is unexplainable. There are so many feelings to accommodate; and it is not always clear how to do that. Women are more likely to be “feelers” than men. Women have many feelings wrapped up in one body. It is sometimes hard to know how and what to feel.
In our roles as mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, grandmothers, aunts or friends, managing feelings can become complex. Some days we can be strong and some days we are weak -- and yes, sometimes we can be both at the same time. We love to laugh and laugh, and have fun with life. Sometimes we even laugh during the bad times. But then, there are times we find ourselves “wearing our feelings on our sleeves” as my mother use to say.
Most moms are there for their children. But how many times did mom have her own problems and never shared them, just because she was there for her child? When I am down or sick, I have always said, “I want my mom.” I think back on my life and wonder how many times I called on mother, and she was always there.
Daughters must find the strength to sit by the bedsides of their mothers as they fade away. They have to find the strength to say “goodbye” and let her go. Then, as the weeks pass, you realize your “ go-to” person is gone. Where do I find the answer to fill this hole? You’re the daughter and that phone call comes in the middle of the night and you hear the words: ”Daddy’s gone.” You face the day that you’re not daddy’s little girl anymore. Where do you find the answer to fill this hole?
As a sister, our siblings are with us as we grow up. We laugh, play, tell them all our secrets, get in trouble, and wonder who will tell Mom and Dad the death-bed confessions. How is it possible that we are here and they are gone? Where do I find the answer to fill this hole?
As a wife, I have a partner for life . . . but whose life? We know from the day of marriage one of us will most likely be left behind. Now the day is here and our whole life has been turned upside down. I have to decide where I fit in this life that is made for two… a couple. Where do I find the answers to fill this hole?
What if you’re that mother that has to bury her child, the child that she gave life. All the questions swirl and the tape seems repetitive. Why couldn’t I make that pain go away? Why didn’t I protect my child? Why did I not see this coming? How did I fail as a mother? Every grieving mother has asked herself at least one of these questions. But, how does she really know where to find the answer to fill that hole?
We all lose precious people in our lives, both family and friends. It hurts and leaves us seeking answers. The loss leaves us with that hole in our lives - a void, that we as humans don’t know how to fill and sometimes find ourselves trying to find the answers by earthly means.
No matter what your loss, I want to share with you the peace of “our Lord.” He is here for You and you alone. He made You! He knows who You are. He wants You to know Him, not just believe in Him but know Him. Does our Lord understand we get angry, we hurt, and we don’t know how to fill this hole? Yes, He does. Not only does He understand but He is standing right there with His hands stretched out waiting on you to turn to Him for answers. You see, you are not the only one hurting and have that hole. Our Lord is hurting. He has a hole of emptiness for you. He wants you to call on Him.
Our Lord is standing and waiting on you
What are you waiting on? Fall to your knees, cry out, “Lord! Help me. Help me Lord to fill this hole. Thank you Lord, for the time you gave me with my precious loved one!
Psalm 143:8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing Love. For I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you, I entrust my life. NIV
Find your way to have a “Thankful Heart” that God allowed you to have that moment of Joy and Love with His Child, your Loved one.
Once you call on God to help you find the peace you need to fill your hole, you will become whole again. You can find that special peace in your heart for that special Loved One. You can once again live your life, a new life but a life at peace.
Back to Features...